TL;DR Much Ado About Nothing | Act 2

 ❤ Introduction ❤

So, when we left off, Don John was getting ready to crash a wedding proposal. But who even are all these people? There's just so many characters.

• Beatrice (Bea): Leonato's niece. Constantly at a war of wit with Benedick.
• Benedick (Mr. Been A Dick): A soldier fighting under Don Pedro and friends with Claudio. Very witty, always making jokes and puns.
• Claudio: A young soldier who has been greatly honored by Don Pedro. He falls head over heels with Hero.
• Hero: Leonato's daughter.
• Don Pedro (DP): Nobleman from Aragon and longtime friend of Leonato. 
• Leonato (Leo): Noble in Messina, Italy. His home is the scene of the play.
• Don John (DJ): The bastard brother of Don Pedro who seems to be hella depressed, only finding solace in others' unhappiness.
• Borachio: Associate of Don John 
• Conrad: Another Don John associate
• Antonio (Tony): Leonato's elderly brother. Beatrice's dad.

That's everyone we've met so far, but there's a few others we haven't met yet. I'll introduce them as we come to them.

❤ Scene 1 ❤

New Characters: 

• Ursula: One of Hero's waiting women
• Margaret (Marg): Hero's serving woman
• Balthasar: Waiting man and musician

The scene opens with Leo, Tony, Hero, Bea, Ursula, and Margaret (Marg). They note that they didn't see DJ at dinner. 

Bea notes that DJ is always sour, Hero adding in that he's very gloomy. 

Bea states that the perfect man would be halfway between DJ and Benedick, talking half as much as Benedick but more than DJ.

Leo clarifies that she means talking half as much as Benedick and being half as melancholy as DJ. Bea says that if he were handsome and rich, too, he could have any woman in the world. 

Bea continues talking about how she doesn't need a husband, saying she'd rather lay in a wool blanket than marry a man with a beard (agreed), but if he doesn't have a beard, he's less than a man. (Make up your damn mind. Is a beard good or bad? My vote is on bad. Too itchy.)

"He that hath a beard is more than a youth, and he that hath no beard is less than a manl and he that is more than a youth is not for me, and he that is less than a man, I am not for him."

She then says she'll go to the gates of hell, meet the devil "like an old cuckold with horns on his head" who will tell her to get up to heaven. She says once she gets there, Saint Peter will show her where the bachelors sit and there she will live "as merry as the day is long". (What even.......)

Leo says he hopes one day he'll see Bea with a husband, but she responds "not till God make men of some other metal than earth." She says that if Adam's sons are her bretheren, then incest is a sin. 

Pretty much everyone enters masked. I guess it's a masquerade.

Everyone starts dancing. DP asks Hero for a dance and they converse.

Balthasar and Marg move forward.

Balthasar says that he wishes Marg liked him, but she says she's glad she doesn't for his sake. (Stop talking down on yourself. 😕) They continue dancing

Ursula and Tony move forward.

Tony for some reason, is trying to convince Ursula that he is not himself, but Ursula is smarter than that. 

Benedick and Beatrice move forward.

(Why are you two dancing together? I ship it. You need that witty banter in your life. WAIT THEY DONT RECOGNIZE EACH OTHER BECAUSE OF THE MASKS. DO YOU NOT RECOGNIZE VOICES????)

Benedick is also not revealing who he is, instead asking who this Been a Dick fellow is. She says he's the prince's jester (and a dumb one at that).

All exit except DJ, Borachio, and Claudio

DJ says that DP has the hots for Hero and plans to take her for himself. Claudio pretends to be Benedick because for some reason no one can recognize voices in this play. He asks how DJ knows DP loves Hero. He and Borachio both say they heard him say it. This destroys Claudio. He unmasks and gets understandably sad.

Benedick approaches and asks if he really thinks DP would do that to him, but Claudio just wants left alone. When Benedick refuses, he says that if Benedick won't leave, then he will leave.

Claudio exits. Enter Don Pedro

DP looks for Claudio, but he's already left. Benedick tells him he left because DP had won Hero's heart. DP says that he is only teaching her love, so that he can "return" her to Claudio. Benedick says that we'll see if he's telling the truth.

DP tells Benedick that Bea is angry with him and that the gentleman she danced with told her he wronged her. (Let's not talk about the fact that it was Benedick she was dancing with...) Benedick tells DP that she called him the Prince's jester and that he was dull. 

"If her breath were as terrible as her terminations, there were no living near her; she would infect to the north star." (Well damn...)

Enter Claudio, Bea, Hero, and Leo

Benedick says that he would rather do anything than exchange three words with Bea, who he calls a harpy.  He leaves.

DP tells her that she has lost Benedick's heart, to which she responds that she once gave him a double heart for a single one, but he "won it over me with false dice". 

But Bea has brought Claudio, whom DP sent her after. 

"Speak, cousin, or if you cannot, stop his mouth with a kiss and let not him speak neither." (Awe that's cute. Not gonna lie.)

Leo sends Bea off to do something and she exits.

Leo and DP continue talking about Bea, saying how she mocks all potential husbands to the point they reject the idea of continuing to pursue. But DJ says that she'd be an excellent wife for Benedick. (I agree). Leo, on the other hand, says that if they were only married a week, they would drive themselves crazy.

 ❤ Scene 2 ❤

Scene 2 opens with DJ and Borachio. 

Borachio says he can spoil the marriage, which DJ says would be like medicine to him because he hates Claudio so much. They start scheming. 

They plan to bring Marg to Hero's bedroom window. From there, it's up to DJ to bring DP by, saying its a terrible idea because Hero is unfaithful. Borachio says the proof would be enough to piss off Claudio, ruin Hero, and even kill Leo. All DJ has to do is tell DP and Claudio that Hero actually loves Borachio.

(Assholes)

❤ Scene 3 ❤

Scene 3 opens on Benedick in an orchard. He calls for a boy and tells him to fetch a book from his bedroom window. The boy obliges and exits. 

Benedick continues talking to himself. He wonders how a man can, at one moment, laugh at something, and at the very next become the very object of his laughter. He is, of course, referring to Claudio becoming a married man. 

He goes on this long rant about how he will never fall in love until a woman is wise, virtuous, and attractive. But at least the hair color doesn't matter.  

He sees DP and Claudio approach and hides (not well). The two, along with Leo and Balthasar enter. 

Balthasar, after being coaxed by DP, plays his music again, singing for ladies to sigh no more. Men were always deceivers, so dont sigh, just let them go. Sing no more sad songs because men have always comitted this form of fraud. So, don't sigh but sing "hey, nonny nonny".

Balthasar exits.

DP and Claudio, knowing Benedick is hiding, say to Leo that Beatrice was in love with Benedick, despite never thinking she would love anyone. Leo is happy about the idea. DP suggests that maybe she is just pretending (Claudio agrees) but Leo is sure that no one could fake love/passion as well as this.

All but Benedick leave.

Benedick is elated at what he has just heard. He says that she is attractive, wise, and virtuous, all things he's looking for in a woman. 

Beatrice enters to get him for dinner. After a short bicker, she says if he doesn't want to eat, then she will take her leave. 

Benedick was sure there was double meaning in her words.

❤ Conclusion ❤

The plot thickens~

Will DJ and Borachio's plot work? Probably, but hopefully not permanently. Will Bea and Benedick get together? Who knows? Well, Shakespeare and anyone who has read the play... But I don't and that's the fun of it.!

I hope you guys like my weird summaries of these stories. They're really fun to do.