TL;DR Much Ado About Nothing | Act 3

 ❤ Scene 1❤

Hero, Marg, and Ursula start us off

Hero tells Marg to find Bea, who is talking to DP and Claudio. Marg is to tell Bea that Hero and Ursula are gossiping about her in the orchard. Marg promises to make Bea come to the orchard to eavesdrop.

Marg exits

Hero then turns to Ursula, telling her to dote on Benedick and only talk about him. She is to talk about how in love with Bea Benedick is. 

Bea enters from behind

The go towards Bea so "that her ear lose nothing" and begin saying how in love Benedick is and how he's just beside himself, but they can't let Bea know because she would make a joke of his love.

"It were a better death than die with mocks, which is as bad as die with tickling." (I would hate to die by tickling. Holy cow that would be terrible.)

Hero and Marg exit

Bea says that if Benedick truly loves her, she will return the favor.

❤ Scene 2 ❤ 

We open with DP, Claudio, Benedick, and Leo

They are talking of Claudio's upcoming marriage. DP says for Claudio to stay in Messina while he goes back to Aragon with Benedick, but Benedick says he's changed. They argue whether or not Benedick were in love. Benedick says he has a toothache (which is apparently associated with being in love), but Leo says it's probably a worm. They continue bickering about Benedick being in love.

We learn that Benedick has shaved his beard. He's wearing makeup and perfume. They conclude that he must be in love.

Benedick and Leo leave to talk. Enter the bastard aka DJ.

DJ completes his part of the plan and tells DP and Claudio that Hero is unfaithful. He says that if they don't believe him, they can follow him and see for themselves.

❤ Scene 3 ❤

Dogberry (DB) & Verges - comic relief to propel the plot forward

Watchmen - officers that patrol the city at night

(I'm just going to start by saying that these two are idiots. They keep saying the opposite of what they mean.)

DB and Verges are talking about the watchmen and if they're loyal enough to serve DP. They try to figure out which watchman is deserving enough to be constable. They choose George Seacole, because he can read and write. 

"This is your charge: you shall comprehend (he means apprehend) all vagrom (vagrant?) men." (See what I mean by idiots?)

They talk with the watchmen and decide that sleeping on the job is fine, so long as their "bills" not be stolen. They're also supposed to go to the taverns and tell anyone who's drunk to go home. If they won't go, they decide, they'll be left alone until they're sober.

If they meet a thief, they're to not touch them, lest they be defiled, and "let him show himself what he is and steal out of your company." (They really are terrible police.)

Finally, if they hear a child crying in the night, they're to tell the nurse to get it quiet. If she's asleep, then they'll just leave it alone and let the crying wake the nurse. 

Dogberry and Verges leave. Borachio and Conrade enter.

Borachio admits to earning a thousand ducats (money, I think) from DJ. One of the watchmen hear and tell the others to stay while he investigates.

Borachio also admits to carrying out his part of the plot, making out with Marg in Hero's window, causing DP and Claudio to think she was Hero, cheating on Claudio.

The watchmen come out and arrest Borachio and Conrade.

❤ Scene 4 ❤

The next moring, we see Hero, Marg, and Ursula.

Hero tells Ursula to go wake Bea and tell her to come here. Ursula leaves.

Hero and Marg talk about Hero's dress, saying how beautiful it is. 

Enter Bea

Bea is sick, so Marg suggests distilled carduus benedictus to make her feel better. Bea accuses her of a double meaning in benedictus. 

Ursula enters and asks them all to come to the church for the wedding.

❤ Scene 5 ❤

Leo enters with DB and Verges

They tell Leo that they have apprehended two suspicious characters and that they will meet him at the jail after their "excommunication" (I think they mean examination.)

 

TL;DR Much Ado About Nothing | Act 2

 ❤ Introduction ❤

So, when we left off, Don John was getting ready to crash a wedding proposal. But who even are all these people? There's just so many characters.

• Beatrice (Bea): Leonato's niece. Constantly at a war of wit with Benedick.
• Benedick (Mr. Been A Dick): A soldier fighting under Don Pedro and friends with Claudio. Very witty, always making jokes and puns.
• Claudio: A young soldier who has been greatly honored by Don Pedro. He falls head over heels with Hero.
• Hero: Leonato's daughter.
• Don Pedro (DP): Nobleman from Aragon and longtime friend of Leonato. 
• Leonato (Leo): Noble in Messina, Italy. His home is the scene of the play.
• Don John (DJ): The bastard brother of Don Pedro who seems to be hella depressed, only finding solace in others' unhappiness.
• Borachio: Associate of Don John 
• Conrad: Another Don John associate
• Antonio (Tony): Leonato's elderly brother. Beatrice's dad.

That's everyone we've met so far, but there's a few others we haven't met yet. I'll introduce them as we come to them.

❤ Scene 1 ❤

New Characters: 

• Ursula: One of Hero's waiting women
• Margaret (Marg): Hero's serving woman
• Balthasar: Waiting man and musician

The scene opens with Leo, Tony, Hero, Bea, Ursula, and Margaret (Marg). They note that they didn't see DJ at dinner. 

Bea notes that DJ is always sour, Hero adding in that he's very gloomy. 

Bea states that the perfect man would be halfway between DJ and Benedick, talking half as much as Benedick but more than DJ.

Leo clarifies that she means talking half as much as Benedick and being half as melancholy as DJ. Bea says that if he were handsome and rich, too, he could have any woman in the world. 

Bea continues talking about how she doesn't need a husband, saying she'd rather lay in a wool blanket than marry a man with a beard (agreed), but if he doesn't have a beard, he's less than a man. (Make up your damn mind. Is a beard good or bad? My vote is on bad. Too itchy.)

"He that hath a beard is more than a youth, and he that hath no beard is less than a manl and he that is more than a youth is not for me, and he that is less than a man, I am not for him."

She then says she'll go to the gates of hell, meet the devil "like an old cuckold with horns on his head" who will tell her to get up to heaven. She says once she gets there, Saint Peter will show her where the bachelors sit and there she will live "as merry as the day is long". (What even.......)

Leo says he hopes one day he'll see Bea with a husband, but she responds "not till God make men of some other metal than earth." She says that if Adam's sons are her bretheren, then incest is a sin. 

Pretty much everyone enters masked. I guess it's a masquerade.

Everyone starts dancing. DP asks Hero for a dance and they converse.

Balthasar and Marg move forward.

Balthasar says that he wishes Marg liked him, but she says she's glad she doesn't for his sake. (Stop talking down on yourself. 😕) They continue dancing

Ursula and Tony move forward.

Tony for some reason, is trying to convince Ursula that he is not himself, but Ursula is smarter than that. 

Benedick and Beatrice move forward.

(Why are you two dancing together? I ship it. You need that witty banter in your life. WAIT THEY DONT RECOGNIZE EACH OTHER BECAUSE OF THE MASKS. DO YOU NOT RECOGNIZE VOICES????)

Benedick is also not revealing who he is, instead asking who this Been a Dick fellow is. She says he's the prince's jester (and a dumb one at that).

All exit except DJ, Borachio, and Claudio

DJ says that DP has the hots for Hero and plans to take her for himself. Claudio pretends to be Benedick because for some reason no one can recognize voices in this play. He asks how DJ knows DP loves Hero. He and Borachio both say they heard him say it. This destroys Claudio. He unmasks and gets understandably sad.

Benedick approaches and asks if he really thinks DP would do that to him, but Claudio just wants left alone. When Benedick refuses, he says that if Benedick won't leave, then he will leave.

Claudio exits. Enter Don Pedro

DP looks for Claudio, but he's already left. Benedick tells him he left because DP had won Hero's heart. DP says that he is only teaching her love, so that he can "return" her to Claudio. Benedick says that we'll see if he's telling the truth.

DP tells Benedick that Bea is angry with him and that the gentleman she danced with told her he wronged her. (Let's not talk about the fact that it was Benedick she was dancing with...) Benedick tells DP that she called him the Prince's jester and that he was dull. 

"If her breath were as terrible as her terminations, there were no living near her; she would infect to the north star." (Well damn...)

Enter Claudio, Bea, Hero, and Leo

Benedick says that he would rather do anything than exchange three words with Bea, who he calls a harpy.  He leaves.

DP tells her that she has lost Benedick's heart, to which she responds that she once gave him a double heart for a single one, but he "won it over me with false dice". 

But Bea has brought Claudio, whom DP sent her after. 

"Speak, cousin, or if you cannot, stop his mouth with a kiss and let not him speak neither." (Awe that's cute. Not gonna lie.)

Leo sends Bea off to do something and she exits.

Leo and DP continue talking about Bea, saying how she mocks all potential husbands to the point they reject the idea of continuing to pursue. But DJ says that she'd be an excellent wife for Benedick. (I agree). Leo, on the other hand, says that if they were only married a week, they would drive themselves crazy.

 ❤ Scene 2 ❤

Scene 2 opens with DJ and Borachio. 

Borachio says he can spoil the marriage, which DJ says would be like medicine to him because he hates Claudio so much. They start scheming. 

They plan to bring Marg to Hero's bedroom window. From there, it's up to DJ to bring DP by, saying its a terrible idea because Hero is unfaithful. Borachio says the proof would be enough to piss off Claudio, ruin Hero, and even kill Leo. All DJ has to do is tell DP and Claudio that Hero actually loves Borachio.

(Assholes)

❤ Scene 3 ❤

Scene 3 opens on Benedick in an orchard. He calls for a boy and tells him to fetch a book from his bedroom window. The boy obliges and exits. 

Benedick continues talking to himself. He wonders how a man can, at one moment, laugh at something, and at the very next become the very object of his laughter. He is, of course, referring to Claudio becoming a married man. 

He goes on this long rant about how he will never fall in love until a woman is wise, virtuous, and attractive. But at least the hair color doesn't matter.  

He sees DP and Claudio approach and hides (not well). The two, along with Leo and Balthasar enter. 

Balthasar, after being coaxed by DP, plays his music again, singing for ladies to sigh no more. Men were always deceivers, so dont sigh, just let them go. Sing no more sad songs because men have always comitted this form of fraud. So, don't sigh but sing "hey, nonny nonny".

Balthasar exits.

DP and Claudio, knowing Benedick is hiding, say to Leo that Beatrice was in love with Benedick, despite never thinking she would love anyone. Leo is happy about the idea. DP suggests that maybe she is just pretending (Claudio agrees) but Leo is sure that no one could fake love/passion as well as this.

All but Benedick leave.

Benedick is elated at what he has just heard. He says that she is attractive, wise, and virtuous, all things he's looking for in a woman. 

Beatrice enters to get him for dinner. After a short bicker, she says if he doesn't want to eat, then she will take her leave. 

Benedick was sure there was double meaning in her words.

❤ Conclusion ❤

The plot thickens~

Will DJ and Borachio's plot work? Probably, but hopefully not permanently. Will Bea and Benedick get together? Who knows? Well, Shakespeare and anyone who has read the play... But I don't and that's the fun of it.!

I hope you guys like my weird summaries of these stories. They're really fun to do.

TL;DR Much Ado About Nothing | Act 1

 ❤ Introduction ❤

Much Ado About Nothing is a Shakespearean comedy that we're reading in our World Literature class. I have only read Act 1, Scene 1 at the time of starting this post, but I'm loving it and want to do a set of TL;DR posts regarding it.

How I feel reading all this nonsense...

❤ Scene 1 ❤

The stage is set with four characters: Leonato, the Governor of Messina; Hero, his daughter; Beatrice, his niece; and a messenger. Leonato holds a letter. 

He states that the letter is from a man named Don Pedro of Aragon. It says that he and his army will come to Messina. He asks the messenger how many men were lost in the most recent battle, to which he learns the answer is actually none. 

"A victory is twice itself when the achiever brings home full numbers." (Agreed.)

 The letter also states that Don Pedro (I'm just going to use DP from here on out) bestowed great honors on a man named Claudio. Claudio is from Florentine and is said to look like a lamb, but fight like a lion, which is what earned him his honors. 

Beatrice asks the messenger about Signor Montanto, who is clarified to actually be Signor Benedick. She recalls a time when Benedick challenged Cupid to an archery competition, which Leonato's jester accepted on behalf of Cupid. 

She continues criticizing Benedick, but her uncle assures her that he (Benedick) will get even. The messenger also tells her of his good work in the military. This leads Beatrice (hereby referred to as Bea) asking who Benedick is keeping as company now, as he is constantly changing who he's around, wearing "his faith but as the fashion of his hat." 

Enter Don Pedro and a slew of others (Claudio, Benedick, Balthasar, and Don John [called the bastard]).

DP asks if it's any trouble keeping him (& his army) to which Leonato assures him that "when you depart from me, sorrow abides, and happiness takes his leave." (How sweet...)

DP looks at Hero and asks if she's Leonato's (Leo, because I'm getting tired of typing full names) daughter, to which he replies that "Her mother hath many times told me so." 

Benedick, not getting the joke, asks if there's any doubt that she's his, and Leo continues his joking by saying no because Benedick was a mere child, unable to seduce Leo's wife.

Benedick continues talking, but Bea cuts him off, mentioning that no one is even listening. They have a relatively short banter, consisting of each saying the world is better off since the other isn't interested in romance, but Bea backs out early (leading Benedick to complain that she always gets out of arguments this way).

Leo asks DP if he'd like to lead everyone inside. DP responds by asking for Leo's hand, saying they'll lead them in together. (Are gay undertones a thing for Shakespeare? Because I'm reading into hella gay undertones between these two.)

Everyone leaves except for Benedick and Claudio.

Claudio absolutely insists that Benedick tells him what he thinks of Hero. Mr. Been a Dick asks if he wants his honest answer, which would involve "being a professed tyrant to their sex". Claudio says to speak seriously, and when Benedick says he doesn't like her and finds her too small and dark, Claudio assumes he must be joking.

Been a Dick asks if Claudio intends to buy her from her father, and we get this hilarious discourse:

Claudio: "Can the world buy such a jewel"

Benedick: "Yea, and a case to put it into."

Claudio is convinced that Hero is the "sweetest lady that I ever looked on," and Been a Dick is still rude about his thoughts and suggests that if "she were not possessed with a fury", Bea is much more beautiful.

Enter DP

DP asks what secrets the two were keeping and requires Been a Dick to answer on basis of allegiance. Benedick tells him that Claudio is in love, but he does not believe him until Claudio confirms.

DP says it's good because Hero is worthy of Claudio's love, but Benedick insists it's a bad idea, stating that he doesn't understand how she should be loved or could possibly be worthy of Claudio's admiration. DP responds with the idea that Benedick was always an "obstinate heretic" in the face of beauty. (Claudio points out that Benedick was never a reasonable person, either, which I think is hilarious.)

"Because I will not do the the wrong to mistrust any, I will do myself the right to trust none. [...] I will live a bachelor." (What a sad way to live, my man...)

DP continues that Benedick will not always feel this way. Benedick doesn't think so, basically saying "If I ever fall in love, hang me up and shoot at me. The person that hits me will be a hero."

"In time the savage bull doth bear the yoke." (Aka, even the wildest get tamed eventually.)

Eventually, after a lot of DP and Claudio trying to convince Benedick that he will soften up eventually, Benedick gets frustrated and leaves.

DP and Claudio continue talking. Claudio asks for DP's help. We learn that, when he was on the battle field, Claudio liked Hero, but was so busy with the fact of war that he didn't expect that like would ever turn to love. 

DP tells Claudio that he would talk to Leo and convince him to promise Hero to Claudio. 

❤ Scene 2 ❤

Scene 2 opens with Leo and Antonio (Imma call him Tony). They are talking about setting up the music, when Tony divulges that a servant of his overheard DP and Claudio talking about Hero. He says that they plan to act tonight with a dance, and if Claudio wishes, then he would approach Leo to ask for Hero's hand.

Leo says that he will warn Hero so she's more prepared to handle the question and the scene ends.

❤ Scene 3 ❤

 Scene 3 opens with Don John (now DJ) and a man named Conrad. Conrad notices that DJ is extremely sad and tries to help. 

Conrad: "Can you make no use of your discontent?

DJ: "I make all use of it, for I use it only."

Enter Borachio

Everyone is eavesdropping now days and Borachio is no different. He tells DJ of the intended marriage.

"Will it serve for any model to build mischief on?" (Jesus, DJ, just let people be happy)

Borachio tells DJ of all the details.

"This may prove food to my displeasure." (Bad DJ. Just let people do their own thing)

❤ Conclusion ❤ 

So, there we have it. No one knows how to keep a secret. No one knows how to not be nosy. And now Don John wants to crash a wedding. I'll have Act 2 up shortly.